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I bumped into my ex-classmates when I was fetching my sis home from my auntieapos;s house. Reynold and Michael havenapos;t changed abit- ok, maybe a bit in terms of hair and all that, but theyapos;re still the same two guys I knew back then. I wonder how they recognised me? Maybe from my uniform, or the school bag I was carrying for my sister which was super high and made me look like a retard. But then again, looking like one isnapos;t all that bad. What a day actually.

Played a new song today. Got quite nervous during tuning because our sound is still quite shaky and Ms Sia wasnapos;t that pleased when we werenapos;t in tune. Itapos;s interesting to note that for movement 2 of the song, cornets only have to play one note. One note- so many rests plus repeat. Easy job huh? Sectionals wasnapos;t too bad, but we were all lethargic.

Ate ice cream after band- something that I think I needed for a while. Maybe not really cos I already ate ice cream the day before. But sweet corn tastes different from vanilla-so it makes no difference.

Wednesday seemed weird- though I canapos;t quite describe it. A mixture of feelings maybe? I donapos;t know.

A wise friend told me that we should appreciate the little things that we often overlook- like cloudwatching or observing people going about their day. Well, I guess I should do that. Sometimes life gets so busy that we tend to forget about those little things that makes your life meaningful.

And since I have time nowadays, I guess I should spend more time with my family. I kinda feel like Iapos;ve been neglecting those who have always been there and put up with my constant naggings (like an old woman) and wasting electricity due to mugging at night. Well, I should do this before I start doing my Chemistry and Physics homework- which reminds me that I have to collect Physics notes before the holidays.

Usually, how would you define apos;eye candyapos;? If you ask me, Iapos;ll think of it as someone who is personally pleasing to the eye and it is just for the face value-if thatapos;s what you call it. But generally, no emotional strings are attached. Simple as that- Iapos;m not sure why Iapos;m even saying this but ya, I guess itapos;s just random. As always. And anyway, candies are bad for the health.

Iapos;ve only read this book for 2 days and Iapos;m halfway to finishing it. Okay, I guess itapos;s quite slow lah, but itapos;s 306 pages leh. So itapos;s already quite good that Iapos;m reading 100+ pages in two days.

WR is ending soon. Waiting for it to be over. Itapos;s been the one thing that makes me want to cry sometimes. Recently, other texts have also made me want to cry. Iapos;m turning into a softie. It could be validated since Iapos;m a girl and all, but Iapos;m different in a way. I was taught to be strong, and hopefully it will be that way. I guess it could be because Iapos;m experiencing things totally new to me, something that I thought I would only think about when Iapos;m way older and no longer studying.

Some people get surprised when I tell them that I have contemplated staying single my whole life. Well, why wouldnapos;t I think of it? So many things can happen to change oneapos;s perspective, and you can say that I do get afraid. Just afraid- thereapos;s no need for any explanation, is there? Itapos;s the fear that prevents me. From a lot of things.

Iapos;d better get back on polishing up on WR, better chiong it since the deadlineapos;s this Friday.

p.s. Iapos;m glad we can meet soon, I need your advice. =)





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Oct. 15 (Bloomberg) -- Pacific Basin Shipping Ltd., Hong Kongapos;s biggest dry-bulk carrier, and Precious Shipping Pcl. Said demand for moving coal, iron ore and other commodities will fall because banks are guaranteeing fewer loads.

``Letters of credit and the credit lines for trade currently are frozen,apos;apos; Khalid Hashim, managing director of Precious Shipping, said in Singapore yesterday. ``Nothing is moving because the trader doesnapos;t want to take the risk of putting cargo on the boat and finding that nobody can pay.apos;apos;

The lack of letters of credit, in which banks guarantee payment for merchandise, could become a ``big issueapos;apos; for world trade, according to Klaus Nyborg, Deputy Chief Executive Officer at Pacific Basin. Tighter credit has contributed to this yearapos;s 80 percent drop in the Baltic Dry Index, a measure of commodities-shipping costs.

``This can have a significant effect on demand because you wonapos;t see the same volume of cargo moved,apos;apos; Harold L. Malone III, senior vice president at Jefferies Co., said at a Marine Money conference in Singapore. ``You have to figure out other ways to get trade done.apos;apos;

Banks worldwide have curbed lending because of increased concerns about getting their money back. Shipowners are already struggling to obtain funding for new vessels. Precious Shipping, Thailandapos;s second-largest shipping company, took as long as 15 months to secure financing for 18 vessels it has on order, Hashim said.

For the non-financial readers, these are one of the most basic instruments of interbanking, and amount to a large-denomination certified check. In essence, major banks will no longer accept one-anotherapos;s cashierapos;s checks above a trivial denomination, if the cashierapos;s check has any durational character. Implication: the other bank may not last until the end of a 90 day instrument.

Not a really happy place for the credit markets here, this is a 15th century instrument. Ultimately, this suggests to me that the market is voting with its faith that the collective CBs canapos;t float the economy out of their pockets for the duration of the crisis. Weapos;ll see if conditions ease going forward.

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i wanted to treat you as a good friend... Maybe even a best friend... Since we do alot of stuff together... Yet my other�great friend seems to be so much closer to you now ? and even the others seem to treat you more like a friend than me... Great... You cant be alone , not one time.... Yet for you, i can be left alone... Just because im never around for morning assemblies... What happens if, one day, im back? will i still be left alone or will we get to sit in a group again..

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This is my new journal
:]

my other one was so "clutterd"�and negative.
i felt like it was time for me to make a journal that talks about me and my new journey in life,
living threw the word of God.

and because,
i write in a journal everyday about my inner-most thoughts and stuff,
and this ways just alot easier.

so,
for the longest time i felt like iapos;ve had something eating at me,all the time..everyday for the past 3 years.
pretty much all of highschool so far,and i feel like iapos;ve finally found what was missing in my life.
it was God.
i lost any kind of realtionship with him,and because i lost him i lost out on who i was and am.
and i recently started listening to the voice in my head. God telling me that he loves me and wants me to have him be my light,
be the everything heapos;s supposed to be in my life.
i canapos;t even describe what it feels like to know that heapos;s giving me that chance,for change.

iapos;ve done so much.
so many things to defy him,myself..iapos;ve turned my back and even betrayed but i know that if i whole-heartedly give my heart
to him and accept his son jesus christian as my one true personal savior that i will be saved,that i will be given that chance.

i want it so badly.
every day i canapos;t wait to just read the bible.
read beautiful verses from the book of my life and creation.

i wish that i didnapos;t realize this so late sometimes.
you know,the importance of christanity in my life?

but im so thankful that i came to my senses,and that for the rest of my life im gonna love honor trust and surrender all of me to my precious lord.
i canapos;t help but sound like a thesuras when i talk about God,
he meanapos;s everything to me.

this weekend im getting baptized.
huge step,but im ready.
i know that i need it,but most of all i want it and canapos;t get it off of my mind.
from that day on,im changed for the absolute better <3

Mark 16:16-"He who believes and is baptised will be saved."

im really ready to lead the life.
itapos;s going to be challanging,itapos;s going to hurt,but itapos;s going to be beautiful and in the end i ulitimalty want true and honest salvation.


mhm,so thatapos;s the plan.
lolol,all godly and junnnnk.
i love it,



my day?
it was pretty okayish.
iapos;m soooo tierd from being on the phone forever last night.im deffinatly gonna go to bed early tonight,im pooped.
after lunch in 6th hour,my stomach was all crampy and it really hurt.
i think it was from the pizza that i ate,which wasnapos;t that good. But i ate,thank god.
and right now,
i have the best spirt.


things arenapos;t so great at home.
i feel like for the 17 years iapos;ve been alive,iapos;ve been misinterpreted,misunderstood and mistreated by my family,
and really?
iapos;ve become sorta like a turtle.iapos;ve created a huge wonderwall which is my shell,
and itapos;s a sign that my exterior is strong,that i can handel and deal with whatever you throw at me,
but in actuality,
i quickly pop my head into my little "home" within myself with anything gets tough.

but im working on it,and getting better with it.
im only going to get one gifted life here on earth,and iapos;ll never know when Godapos;s done with me,
when itapos;s time for him to determine after my last breath if i should go to the perfect kingdom with him or if i should be
penalized in hell for all i havenapos;t/have done,
and more then anyone else besides me and God know,
i want to enter through that narrow gate that Matthew talks about.


if you belive...if you ginuwinly belive that "for God so loved the world that he gave his only beggoton son",you will be saved and live an eternal life.



in jesus name,
amen.


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A (hopefully) short list to compare pregnancies thus far:

Pregnancy #1: (Sam)
Nausea was somewhat manageable- had a few bad weeks of just laying on the couch unable to eat. I think I lost maybe 7-8 lbs. Not too bad.
Exhaustion- Not bad at all, considering I only had myself to chase... :)
Body Aches- Maybe a little muscle soreness, but nothing to whine about. I canapos;t clearly recall for the fog has gotten worse in my brain in the memory department.
Memory- I think this is the one that caused my memory to slip away quietly. "If you donapos;t use it you lose it" would describe this symptom perfectly....
Regularity- Times things slowed down enough to be noticed: 1
Diet- Mostly sweets, or chocolate in nature. Nothing really turned me apos;offapos; foodwise. Didnapos;t have much of an appetite for protein. Ate it anyway... Sometimes. Did a lot of Carnation instant breakfast. That was my protein fix, I guess.

Pregnancy #2: (Baby girl Cecil)
Nausea- was ok for like the first three weeks. Then it hit the level that I had with Sam. Then it continued to torture me for the next couple of months in escalating levels. Just when I thought throwing up for the third time in a day was going to be my end, I threw up five times for the next six days... Yay, healthy baby. Sheapos;d better be, I might feel a little cheated. I think the longest time periods I made it off the couch were for church and life group. I was sorely tempted to not go. That would have been worse for my mind than the torture of *finally* getting something in my stomach, and thinking things would be ok... Only to run to the bathroom.
I was on a major hair trigger with the gag reflex.
Our (My) theory as to why it was sooo bad this time around:
My body was severely depleted by the first pregnancy, and nursing for 15 months nutritionally.
My liver had taken a nasty beating due to my food choices. Milk Thistle supplements helped with the bile episodes.
My fetus turned out to be a baby girl on her way. Perhaps her hormones were joining with mine in an effort to torture me a little. (Happy about having a girl. I will be taking measures to nourish my body before another pregnancy, so I can keep up with the children a little better than this go-round.)
I lost 12 lbs this time, but not for a lack of eating. It was a lack of ability to keep it down. Iapos;m surprised Iapos;m still alive.
Nausea vanished at 14 weeks. We went on a trip to Colorado. They fed me there. A lot. I think I gained back some of my stomach capacity for now.

Exhaustion- Much more pronounced need for sleep, since I donapos;t feel like Iapos;m getting enough. I wake up between 7:30-8:00 am, and most days need a nap by 2 pm. I crash right around 10:30, and just shut down, much to the dismay of my husband.

Body aches- Yup, got them, and if I recall correctly much earlier in this pregnancy than with Sam. And I whine about them. Iapos;m not sure if itapos;s because of the rough nausea echoing back, or if Iapos;m just more vocal about my discomfort. Could be both.

Memory- Iapos;m still coping with what Iapos;m pretty sure is a deficit from having Sam. Oh well, I guess Iapos;m losing it for life at this rate..

Regularity- One of the things I lost during my forced extended fast and purge period was the ability to poo. When you just donapos;t have it, you just canapos;t go. I never thought I would praise God for a poo of my own.. I have. Itapos;s weird.
Nowadays, things have slowed digestively. It sucks. I do try to stay hydrated in order to have any hope of a quick visit. I find that Iapos;m eating more fruit, and hope.

Diet- Iapos;m slowly learning that if I want to feel good in the morning, sugary cereal is not the stand alone breakfast for me. Dizziness, a bit of nausea, and low blood pressure result. I feel almost like I might black out if Iapos;m standing, and came close once.
My food group of choice has been protein, and bacon seems to be a winner for me. You might be able to get me to eat eggs, but they would have to be scrambled. Or in egg drop soup. (Hmm.. I feel inspiration for dinner coming on... I should be working on that instead of typing this..)
I have been so much more conscious about making sure I get some for of protein. This is a good thing. It means Iapos;m better about making meals for my toddler (stubborn little booger) that include protein. Yay, Iapos;m becoming a better mommy.


So, that about sums up my thoughts for now.
As of this point I am 22 almost 23 weeks into pregnancy number 2. Iapos;m mostly loving it. Except right now for the achy body and exhaustion. I think Iapos;ll choose to remember only the fun parts off the top of my head....

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I realised that recently ive been posting which is quite cool.im usually very lazy to post but since ive nothing to do after N levels i shall post as frequent as possible.niceeeee
well, i shall talk about yesterday.
on the way to my uncleapos;s place, i had quite a long chat with my dad about his racing days when i wasnt born yet.he told me that racing back then was way different than now because if iapos;d want to race now heapos;ll have to fork out like around 3million?which i think its quite alot.he told me that clinching a championship title back then was easy.he told me he won the 750cc and 1000cc category at the same time and he was the only malay rider in the bigger class.most malays were riding the honda cups which i think is lousy because i can ride a honda cup.HAHA.my dad was also a ship mechanic and always travel around the world.if heapos;s not travelling, he would be working in singapore and during race weekends heapos;ll take leave and ride up to malaysia for races.ohh and he also told me that he raced with some dude(i forgot his name) before he went into MotoGP.my dad told me that the reason he couldnt be in MotoGP was because he couldnt get any sponsorship(even though he was a champion)even after my uncle helped him when he was working with kawasaki as malays were difficult to get sponsors.WELL, FUCK�THOSE�CHINESE.after racing i think my dad told me that he was offered to work in newzealand but he didnt want toARGHH�if not ill be living in NEW�ZEALANDi think he quit his job for some reason and then opened a workshop and work as a taxi driver because he said that working as a taxi driver is very relaxing.arhh but i really think that he shouldapos;ve taken that offer UGHH.anyway i really liked talking to my dad because he has loads of shit to tell me throughout his 50+ years of living in this world..okay im quite lazy to type anymore i shall end my post here and YES�I�HAVE�A�RACE�THIS�WEEKENDCOOL�SHIT.ill be at sepanggggg :D

i love my dad, i love my family, i love YOU
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